I thought the latest trends in kids’ birthday parties were to rent a bouncehouse, play games at Chuck E. Cheese, or go completely overboard with a theme (like creating a Jello aquarium and cookie sand pudding for an Under The Sea party…both were delicious and a huge hit at my daughter’s 4th birthday, by the way). Apparently, I missed the memo stating the latest development in how to create lasting memories when celebrating your child’s birth. Had I gotten it, though, I’m assuming that memo would have looked something like this…
You may think your child wants a pony or the newest game console for their birthday, but you’re wrong. What they really want is to be scared senseless and encounter a week of terror that will scar them for life. When you are ready to be the world’s most despicable parent, give me a call, and I will bring life, laughter, and wet pants to your child.
Evil Birthday Clown
That’s right, my fellow procreators. You now have the ability to rent evil clown, Dominic Deville, for your child’s next birthday celebration. When you hire Dominic, your child will endure a week of scary text messages, frightening letters, and creepy phone calls, with the final encounter coming in the form of a birthday cake smashing to the face. Oh, and Dominic does all of this while wearing a zombie mask, a big red nose, and red curly haired wig.
Not My Style
I admit, I am a child of the 80’s, and therefore a bit old school when it comes to raising my children. When asked, however, I don’t want my daughter’s birthday memories to include “creating a ballerina giraffe at Build-A-Bear, a swim party with family and friends, a sleepover with all my besties, and being chased by a zombie clown.” That’s just me, though.
Things To Keep In Mind
If you choose to subject your child to an evil clown birthday, I would also prepare for the following:
- Spending a copious amount of money on therapy.
- Never taking your child to the circus.
- Having to turn the radio off when Judy Collins belts out one note of “Send in the Clowns.”
- Never owning a jack-in-the-box, which is actually terrifying no matter what your feelings about clowns.
- Enduring a complete meltdown during an episode of The Simpsons that includes Krusty.
- Never ever, EVER going to a McDonald’s or volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House.
- Not being able to utter the phrase, “Stop clowning around.”
Less Scary Options
If you lean more towards throwing a birthday party that includes carnival games, a jumpy castle, cotton candy and other concession food machines, then check out Rent It Today. One of our catch phrases is that with Rent It Today, you can rent anything, anywhere. I am happy to state, however, that at this time, we do NOT market any evil birthday clowns for rent. And if you are even considering an evil clown for your kid’s next birthday, you’re nothin’ but a big Bozo in my book.